I remember that, at the beginning of this year, I told myself that I wanted to finally meet my grandpa, because it might be too late if I wait longer.
A lot of things happened and I kind of forgot about this plan.
But I think while studying Turkish with my friend from Istanbul, I remembered about it. And he encouraged me to find my grandfather.
I asked my mum if she had his number or address, she had nothing like that, she didn't even have her half-siblings' contact details. I even asked my dad and he didn't have anything.
So the last thing I thought I could do was to publish a post on the "Spotted" Facebook page of the shopping centre of the town my grandfather used to live in. I knew he wasn't there anymore, though. The page only had 500 likes, I just asked people if they knew him or his children and I didn't expect anything to happen. I almost decided to forget about it.
Then, the admin of the page messaged me, someone knew my grandfather and wanted to help me. He told me her name and I messaged her.
So apparantly, the friend of sister-in-law of my grandfather's ex daughter-in-law had liked my post, so it kind of came through to her (my grandfather's ex daughter-in-law) and she told me that my grandfather was ill and lived in Istanbul, but came to Germany every now and then to get treatment.
She gave me my aunts' number.
My aunt, who had banned her father out of her life, just like my mum did. My aunt who had married a Turkish man and was going to go to Istanbul with the whole family. She sent me photos, told me about herself and said that I was always welcome at hers and in Istanbul.
I feel so loved. And one more thing:
All these years, I knew that I was partially Turkish and I used to tell that to people. They didn't quite accept it and I always looked at my Turkish friends and their families, knowing I had something like that, but I had nothing to do with it and therefore couldn't even call myself Turkish. At all.
I remember this fight with my ex when he stated that if you don't have a citizenship from a certain country, you're not of the nationality of this country. And I felt offended because I always wanted to be with my Turkish family, I wanted to learn about the culture which was there, somewhere in my roots.
This is my family. And this has just become a big part of me.
It will get hard; remember - life's like a jumprope
Showing posts with label statement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label statement. Show all posts
Thursday, 28 July 2016
Tuesday, 19 July 2016
Essay English #1
This might not seem too weird to you guys yet, but just you wait for the
following weeks. As I told you, I've decided to spend more time on
studying languages and apart from comprehension and reading tasks, I
think I should also train my writing skills. It's easy this week, it
might be alright in the next two weeks, but after that, who knows. I
better start studying more!
Technology appears everywhere in our everyday lives. In the morning, I am woken up by an alarm, which is usually on my mobile phone. I check my messages, start my computer and go through all the things I need to do. Usually, I write them into my spiral pad which has been my friend for more than a year now. Using programs and applications to organise everything confuses me a lot, so I stick to those old-schooled alternatives. When I feel like reading, I take one of those beautiful old books I purchased at a flea market out of my shelf, lie down in my bed and just read.
Without any doubt, we do use a lot of technology nowadays. It's faster, more efficient, it's easier to share things. But the benefits might come to a limit and there might also be some dangers.
Let's come back to my reading example. When do I actually read a book, voluntarily? To be honest, I haven't full-heartedly read a book in years. I bought one last year, but after I had finished it, I was disappointed about having put so much time into reading it, since the story was quite boring. When I go into a bookstore, I see so many books I would like to read. They sound interesting, there are so many diverse topics! So maybe I buy one. I go home, tell myself that I should read the book once I've spent money on it, read about two chapters and then get bored. Only think about those old times when I was in primary school, where I would read all day! What happened?
There's a simple answer to it: It's become easier to distract me. I lie in my bed, read the book, but I know that my phone is lying on my desk and the green light tells me that I have a new message. Who could it be? What if I miss anything important? Couldn't I read and just check my messages at the same time?
Well, no, I can't. Luckily, I've learned about myself that if I actually want to read a book, I need to get into an environment without any distractions. When I'm at my mum's house, I usually sit down in the garden – the dogs can only distract me for a minute. Also, I know that I need to be absolutely relaxed to read a book. And I don't know if this came with puberty or if it's an actual issue of our modern life, but I'm never really relaxed. I'm so nervous most of the time, if I sit down in front of my computer to just browse 9gag and do nothing for a moment, I simply get the urge to stand up and do something, but at the same time, I'm way too lazy.
There's no doubt about that technology has changed us, as people.
I still find myself trying to avoid seeing technology as an important part of our life, something, which still affects us when we're outside in the nature. I even refuse to see it as more than a medium for communication, no, it literally seems to have become a replacement for the normal communication: face to face, eye to eye. People apologise when they don't answer my messages rightaway, as if it was their duty to read their messages every single minute of their lives. They even apologise when they fall asleep.
Alright, it's different in a relationship, just to make that clear. But, still – isn't it weird how technology has even become an essential part in modern relationships?
Technology has changed us, it affects us, and we're dependent. Of course we are, because nobody will contact you if you don't have a mobile phone number, an e-mail address or a profile on a social media website. You'll be forgotten, it will be to inconvenient to get in touch with you. Life without technology would be too inconvenient for those, who grew up with it.
You can't fight it, it will increase and there will be more progress and better technologies and innovations. The most important thing is to force yourself to disconnect sometimes. To turn off your computer, your TV, your phone. To go outside, for a walk, to invite your friends for a picnic by the lake. To write a letter to your loved ones. Enjoying the little things in life has become really difficult nowadays, due to technology. But we should try to focus on them more often and we'll see that we won't be the only ones who will be happy about this decision.
Essay English #1: Do people depend too much on technology nowadays?
Technology appears everywhere in our everyday lives. In the morning, I am woken up by an alarm, which is usually on my mobile phone. I check my messages, start my computer and go through all the things I need to do. Usually, I write them into my spiral pad which has been my friend for more than a year now. Using programs and applications to organise everything confuses me a lot, so I stick to those old-schooled alternatives. When I feel like reading, I take one of those beautiful old books I purchased at a flea market out of my shelf, lie down in my bed and just read.
Without any doubt, we do use a lot of technology nowadays. It's faster, more efficient, it's easier to share things. But the benefits might come to a limit and there might also be some dangers.
Let's come back to my reading example. When do I actually read a book, voluntarily? To be honest, I haven't full-heartedly read a book in years. I bought one last year, but after I had finished it, I was disappointed about having put so much time into reading it, since the story was quite boring. When I go into a bookstore, I see so many books I would like to read. They sound interesting, there are so many diverse topics! So maybe I buy one. I go home, tell myself that I should read the book once I've spent money on it, read about two chapters and then get bored. Only think about those old times when I was in primary school, where I would read all day! What happened?
There's a simple answer to it: It's become easier to distract me. I lie in my bed, read the book, but I know that my phone is lying on my desk and the green light tells me that I have a new message. Who could it be? What if I miss anything important? Couldn't I read and just check my messages at the same time?
Well, no, I can't. Luckily, I've learned about myself that if I actually want to read a book, I need to get into an environment without any distractions. When I'm at my mum's house, I usually sit down in the garden – the dogs can only distract me for a minute. Also, I know that I need to be absolutely relaxed to read a book. And I don't know if this came with puberty or if it's an actual issue of our modern life, but I'm never really relaxed. I'm so nervous most of the time, if I sit down in front of my computer to just browse 9gag and do nothing for a moment, I simply get the urge to stand up and do something, but at the same time, I'm way too lazy.
There's no doubt about that technology has changed us, as people.
I still find myself trying to avoid seeing technology as an important part of our life, something, which still affects us when we're outside in the nature. I even refuse to see it as more than a medium for communication, no, it literally seems to have become a replacement for the normal communication: face to face, eye to eye. People apologise when they don't answer my messages rightaway, as if it was their duty to read their messages every single minute of their lives. They even apologise when they fall asleep.
Alright, it's different in a relationship, just to make that clear. But, still – isn't it weird how technology has even become an essential part in modern relationships?
Technology has changed us, it affects us, and we're dependent. Of course we are, because nobody will contact you if you don't have a mobile phone number, an e-mail address or a profile on a social media website. You'll be forgotten, it will be to inconvenient to get in touch with you. Life without technology would be too inconvenient for those, who grew up with it.
You can't fight it, it will increase and there will be more progress and better technologies and innovations. The most important thing is to force yourself to disconnect sometimes. To turn off your computer, your TV, your phone. To go outside, for a walk, to invite your friends for a picnic by the lake. To write a letter to your loved ones. Enjoying the little things in life has become really difficult nowadays, due to technology. But we should try to focus on them more often and we'll see that we won't be the only ones who will be happy about this decision.
Saturday, 25 June 2016
Patriotism vs. Nationalism
Yes - I'm proud to be German!
I'm proud that we're giving refuge to so many refugees from the Middle East.
I'm proud that we're an open-minded country with many nationalities, cultures and languages.
I'm proud that we have a democracy.
I'm proud that we have so many different landscapes in this small country: Flat, mountains, hills, woods, the coast ...
I'm proud that we won the world cup four times.
I'm proud that we won the Eurovision Song Contest twice.
I'm proud that we have had many scientists, poets and musicians who did a really good job.
But I'm not proud of those nationalists, walking in the streets, telling refugees to go home and other Germans to wake up.
Because I'm wide awake. And I see what's happening here.
Because the same damn think happened less than 90 years ago. And we all know how it ended.
I'm proud to be German, because it's a great country. But so are other countries, and their citizens should be proud of their nationality, too. Because, when do I start feeling patriotic? It's when I meet people from other nationalities. Because I can tell them about my country, and they can tell me about theirs. And we can become friends and learn from each other.
We're not only citizens of Germany, we're citizens of the world, with a German nationality and culture.
For me, there's a clear difference.
A patriot cheers for his country in the world cup.
A nationalist cheers for his country in the world war.
Before focussing on what's best for us ('a government should always put its citizens first' blah blah blah...), we should think about what's best for all of us. We're all humans.
I'm proud that we're giving refuge to so many refugees from the Middle East.
I'm proud that we're an open-minded country with many nationalities, cultures and languages.
I'm proud that we have a democracy.
I'm proud that we have so many different landscapes in this small country: Flat, mountains, hills, woods, the coast ...
I'm proud that we won the world cup four times.
I'm proud that we won the Eurovision Song Contest twice.
I'm proud that we have had many scientists, poets and musicians who did a really good job.
But I'm not proud of those nationalists, walking in the streets, telling refugees to go home and other Germans to wake up.
Because I'm wide awake. And I see what's happening here.
Because the same damn think happened less than 90 years ago. And we all know how it ended.
I'm proud to be German, because it's a great country. But so are other countries, and their citizens should be proud of their nationality, too. Because, when do I start feeling patriotic? It's when I meet people from other nationalities. Because I can tell them about my country, and they can tell me about theirs. And we can become friends and learn from each other.
We're not only citizens of Germany, we're citizens of the world, with a German nationality and culture.
For me, there's a clear difference.
A patriot cheers for his country in the world cup.
A nationalist cheers for his country in the world war.
Before focussing on what's best for us ('a government should always put its citizens first' blah blah blah...), we should think about what's best for all of us. We're all humans.
Sunday, 5 June 2016
Bye Bye!
No, I'm not going!
Not yet, at least.
At the moment, my plans about going to Dortmund are starting to fade. I have the craziest ideas, so much motivation, I just want to pack my things and be gone.
How? Where? I have no idea. It could be classic: I could book a TEFL course, get an accommodation, get a job, book my flight to England and then go there.
But my ideas are even better. Or worse.
I was thinking - wouldn't it be possible to go to England by bike? Where would I sleep? I don't know! How would I carry my things? No idea! But it would be so awesome to be on my way for a week. Five countries in 8 days. Awesome.
Not like I actually wanted to do it, or could. My parents probably wouldn't let me, despite the fact that I'm 18. But I really really love the imagination!
First day: Lippstadt, Hamm, Bergkamen, night in Wesel. Second day: Geldern, night in Valkenswaard. Third day: Herentals, night in Antwerpen. Fourth day: Damme, night in Ostende. Fifth day: Dunkerque, Gravelines, Marck, night in Calais. Sixth day: Folkestone, Ashford, Rochester, night in Dartford. Seventh day: London, Slough, night in Reading. Last day: Newsbury, Devizes, Bath and finally Bristol. Or something like that. Crazy!
But I would have to do that in summer or spring, I suppose, and that's too late for me now, since it's almost summer and I wouldn't even know where to stay yet, haha.
I'm such a dreamer.
What happened to me? Well, after another breakup, I knew that I had to be happy, no matter what. That I should do whatever I want to, go wherever I want to. So I started planning. And it made me think about what my Vietnamese friend told me about Buddhism - and I think it would be really interesting to visit Buddhist temples and learn about this religion, because what they teach, is exactly what I want to believe. It's not just things they teach about a God they made up to understand the way the world works, no, it's a philosophy, the philosophy of being happy and free, no matter what.
My train of thought is a bit pathetic, I know. But the time has come to dream again, and now I'm finally at an age where I can make these dreams come true.
And I can do that, I know it.
Not yet, at least.
At the moment, my plans about going to Dortmund are starting to fade. I have the craziest ideas, so much motivation, I just want to pack my things and be gone.
How? Where? I have no idea. It could be classic: I could book a TEFL course, get an accommodation, get a job, book my flight to England and then go there.
But my ideas are even better. Or worse.
I was thinking - wouldn't it be possible to go to England by bike? Where would I sleep? I don't know! How would I carry my things? No idea! But it would be so awesome to be on my way for a week. Five countries in 8 days. Awesome.
Not like I actually wanted to do it, or could. My parents probably wouldn't let me, despite the fact that I'm 18. But I really really love the imagination!
First day: Lippstadt, Hamm, Bergkamen, night in Wesel. Second day: Geldern, night in Valkenswaard. Third day: Herentals, night in Antwerpen. Fourth day: Damme, night in Ostende. Fifth day: Dunkerque, Gravelines, Marck, night in Calais. Sixth day: Folkestone, Ashford, Rochester, night in Dartford. Seventh day: London, Slough, night in Reading. Last day: Newsbury, Devizes, Bath and finally Bristol. Or something like that. Crazy!
But I would have to do that in summer or spring, I suppose, and that's too late for me now, since it's almost summer and I wouldn't even know where to stay yet, haha.
I'm such a dreamer.
What happened to me? Well, after another breakup, I knew that I had to be happy, no matter what. That I should do whatever I want to, go wherever I want to. So I started planning. And it made me think about what my Vietnamese friend told me about Buddhism - and I think it would be really interesting to visit Buddhist temples and learn about this religion, because what they teach, is exactly what I want to believe. It's not just things they teach about a God they made up to understand the way the world works, no, it's a philosophy, the philosophy of being happy and free, no matter what.
My train of thought is a bit pathetic, I know. But the time has come to dream again, and now I'm finally at an age where I can make these dreams come true.
And I can do that, I know it.
Wednesday, 3 February 2016
Watch, listen, touch, breath in
I wasn't even melancholic, it was all about perception.
As I already said yesterday, you shouldn't think too much about the past, and not even too much about the future or just your life right now. Don't think. Watch. Watch the people in the streets, watch the birds in the trees, watch the bees in the flowers. Listen. Listen to the breeze wandering through the treetops, listen to girls talking about their latest crush, listen to the neighbour's dog that's barking because it saw a squirrel. Feel. Feel the books you're reading, feel the grass on the floor, feel traffic light's button when you push it.
Walk barefoot!
Perceive your world. Then participate. Get in touch with what you see around you. You're not caught in your thoughts. You should think yes, but do it when there's nothing new to perceive, for example, when you come home from work, lie down on your sofa and stay there for an hour. But make sure you take advantage of your senses. Get outside. Meet new people.
Just stop brooding. Start living.
And no, I'm not going to think about this all the time. I will tell people, and I will remind myself when I take notice of myself being lost in thoughts again.
Good times might have passed, but good times are now. Nothing is lost. It's just past. There is no "if". It counts what's happened, it has happened, it is a part of you and now you will go on. You will live.
Thank you. I keep getting better at this. :))
(P.S.: This is also a kind of meditation. If you feel sad or worried, listen to music, don't think about it, just listen. Feel your breath, your body inhaling, exhaling. The ground your lying on. Don't think about it. Feel it. It's difficult but it's worth it. ;))
Friday, 8 January 2016
Imagination
After our PE teacher had let us wait in the gym for an hour without showing up, she decided to do meditation with us.
"Listen to your pulse. Listen to your breath. With every breath you take, all your worries are moving off more and more."
It's hard to be told NOT to do something, not to think of your worries and all those things that bother you in your life, but our teacher told us to think of our worries as a heap in front of you, and with every breath, you're heading into the opposite direction.
"Now, the heap is almost gone and you can only see it as a spot on the horizon. Around you, a landscape is building up."
What landscape was it? Of course, it was a grassland on a hill in the sunrise for me. The wind was blowing softly and the sun spent enough warmth to make me feel comfortable.
"Think of someone who's coming towards you. It's someone you can relax with, someone you feel good with."
I chose a dog. The Sheltie of my dreams, of course. In my dreams, it's my best friend. It's being alone without being alone. It's harmonic. We were playing, I was taking photos, the dog was jumping around and enjoying the sunlight as I did. Then, he lay down next to me so we could enjoy it together. The breeze around us.
"Now, you're friend is bringing you a present. It's a surprise. You open it."
What did I see? It was a daisy. A flower on a field of flowers.
Our teacher said that we were now going back to the heap of worries, holding our present in our hands. It would bring us back whenever we wanted to go.
When I left the gym, the sun was shining and I simply wanted to enjoy it as I did in my imagination. I also talked to a friend from my former class, who's in my PE course now. She now has a dog and we decided that we should meet in May or something, I could bring the camera and we could both bring our guitars, and we would just spend the day on a meadow. How I've missed this.
And I don't understand how someone who has never been able to enjoy this kind of chilling as I do, could play such an important role in my life.
Spring, you innocent spring, I'm waiting for you!
"Listen to your pulse. Listen to your breath. With every breath you take, all your worries are moving off more and more."
It's hard to be told NOT to do something, not to think of your worries and all those things that bother you in your life, but our teacher told us to think of our worries as a heap in front of you, and with every breath, you're heading into the opposite direction.
"Now, the heap is almost gone and you can only see it as a spot on the horizon. Around you, a landscape is building up."
What landscape was it? Of course, it was a grassland on a hill in the sunrise for me. The wind was blowing softly and the sun spent enough warmth to make me feel comfortable.
"Think of someone who's coming towards you. It's someone you can relax with, someone you feel good with."
I chose a dog. The Sheltie of my dreams, of course. In my dreams, it's my best friend. It's being alone without being alone. It's harmonic. We were playing, I was taking photos, the dog was jumping around and enjoying the sunlight as I did. Then, he lay down next to me so we could enjoy it together. The breeze around us.
"Now, you're friend is bringing you a present. It's a surprise. You open it."
What did I see? It was a daisy. A flower on a field of flowers.
Our teacher said that we were now going back to the heap of worries, holding our present in our hands. It would bring us back whenever we wanted to go.
When I left the gym, the sun was shining and I simply wanted to enjoy it as I did in my imagination. I also talked to a friend from my former class, who's in my PE course now. She now has a dog and we decided that we should meet in May or something, I could bring the camera and we could both bring our guitars, and we would just spend the day on a meadow. How I've missed this.
And I don't understand how someone who has never been able to enjoy this kind of chilling as I do, could play such an important role in my life.
Spring, you innocent spring, I'm waiting for you!
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