How I study

When I tell people that I study 7 languages at once, they always say that they could never do it and ask how I keep myself motivated.
I already told you that I study every language once a week, but what do I actually do? Maybe this could help you with your language studies as well?


First of all, I have a notebook where I fill one page per day. This includes new vocabulary (20 words a day, in Japanese I learn 10 new kanji every week) and, of course, some grammar as well. I have to admit, I usually have troubles finding some grammar to study for English or Swedish for example, because I already know how to use the language. I don't really need much more but the practice, but this is part of my everyday life, in every language. So, what exactly do I do?

1) Reading
Reading is, in most cases, the easiest part of learning a new language. You can take your time, work your way through every word, until you understand the meaning of a sentence. I have to admit, it's a bit more difficult with Japanese, because you don't only know the words, but also the Kanji belonging to them. Since I always set my first goal for reading, I'm mainly studying Kanji at the moment, without knowing how to pronounce them in most cases. My excuse: Depending of what way they're used in, they're always pronounced differently. Ways to practise your reading comprehension are:
- reading a book
- reading blog entries
- setting your phone/computer/facebook to the language you're learning
- reading song lyrics
- reading example sentences including the words you've just learned
- scanning shampoo bootles/food packages/etc for the language you're learning: they might have the ingredients printed onto it
- finding a chat partner online (before you start writing in that language, you could continue in your own language and ask that person to reply in his)

2) Writing
Writing is usually the next step I take. You don't need a conversational partner for these two kinds of practice, which is useful if you need to find a way into the new language. If I would actually try to speak with a Finnish person, or maybe just listen, I probably wouldn't understand a word. It's hard to analyse what is being said, since the person doesn't know what speed you work in. Some people might argue this, but working with the written word is the easiest way to approach a language for me. Of course, it's always important not to stay in one area, but work with all four of them. You can practise your writing skills by:
- copying texts you've read
- writing with your chat partner
- giving yourself tasks for writing (in an essay for example, or a review)
- having a blog in that language
- doing grammar exercises (and writing the solutions down in a whole sentence!)

3) Listening
Listening is the third step I approach. Before speaking yourself, you need to know how a word sounds, and it's easier to try and understand unknown words from the context, instead of getting stuck while speaking because you have a lack of vocabulary. This counts for reading as well, of course! I often study unknown words from books I'm reading as new vocabulary. Since you already know what words look like, you can keep your eyes open for words and sentence structures that seem familiar to you. You can do this while:
- watching a film (maybe a film you already know to start with)
- watching interviews or TV shows (choose a topic you're actually interested in)
- listening to native speakers (e.g. via skype or when you recognise them in public transport)
- listening to songs 
- listening to audiobooks
- listening to the radio 

4) Speaking
Speaking is what we're actually aiming at, isn't it? Being able to participate in conversations. You don't say "speaking a language" for nothing! Now, ways to practise this are:
- speaking with a native speaker
- repeating sentences you've heard
- reading texts out lout (that's what I do with books)


Now, have fun with learning your language, you all know that I do! It's midnight, so Finnish time for me!

Nahla

So, two weeks went over quite fast! We actually didn't do much at all and stayed at home most of the time, since I was kind of tense the whole time. But, although she is probably taller than our dog Barry, you can still tell that Nahla is still a puppy from the way she acts. So today, since it's our next to last day, I decided to take the camera outside with us one more time. It's probably going to rain tomorrow and I hadn't managed to take any interesting shots of her yet. I'm quite happy with the results though. It was a good decision to shoot in RAW, too.

Although I really like Nahla and I think she likes me too, I'm certain that we're both happy to get back home soon. And I'll definitely meet up with my friend Nele and her Aussie Fly to take more shots of her, too! The past week has been really exhausting, rather nerve-wracking, for me, so I'll treat this as a holiday. I'll keep studying, of course! And book some driving lessons to get through with that as well. Everything is ok! Isn't it?

Challenge accepted

I love challenges! I'm going to start tomorrow!

+ 10 pushups a day!

Agatha Christie - The Pale Horse (English)

Due to my language study plans, I've decided to read more, starting with an English book I bought on a flea market more than three years ago.

I wasn't quite convinced at first, because for me, it's always hard to keep reading at the beginning of the book. Until the tension rises, which it did in this case.

Of course, the tension came together with a murder and - even more importantly - a mystery.
The dying Mrs Davis leaves tells Father Gorman about some names which are important to remember, and then dies. Straight after, Father Gorman is killed on the streets. The detectives didn't really understand why he was killed, but it must have had to do with the names on the list he hid in his shoe. What were those names about? It was certain though, that some of those names were surnames of people who had just died, and people with the remaining surnames kept dying, from natural causes, apparantly. As Mark Easterbrook, our protagonist, hears about this place called the Pale Horse where there were supposed to be witches, he tried to find out more about it. Soon enough, he learns that there is a whole business behind it, and it had to do with the people dying. According to his theory, this guy in Birmingham, Bradley, bet on the lives of people with relatives who wanted them to die, which seems completely legal. Thyrza Grey and the other women of the Pale Horse then put a curse on them to make them become ill. Also, there must be a brain behind it, and since the old pharmasist Osborne had seen someone following Father Gorman right before he was killed who looked like Mr Venables, he was the main suspect - although he had atrophied limbs.
To find out more, Mark and his friend Ginger decided to trick them and look behind what was happening. Mark told Thyrza Grey he wanted Ginger, who played his wife who had disappeared years ago and now suddenly was back, dead and so they have a séance at the Pale Horse, a black magic ceremony. And a while later, Ginger actually becomes ill.
As Mark found out that she was losing hair, his friend Mrs Oliver told him that the previous victims also were losing hair - it wasn't a curse, but a thallium poisoning. D.I. Lejeune, his sergeant and Mark go to Mr Venables house, witness Osborne coming with them. They explain the whole business to Venables just to then turn to Osborne and state that he was the brain behind it, that he was just suspecting Venables to hide that he actually killed Father Gorman and had people go to the victims' houses and place thallium there.

What. a. plot twist. Wow.
I have to admit, I'm a really bad reader so this book actually took me some weeks, although it's not really long. But, despite the fact I'm not really into detective novels, this one was really interesting and provided surprises for the reader. Ginger and Mark decide to marry at the end, but I'm glad it wasn't utterly romantic, because that wouldn't have matched with the rest of the story. I hardly could identify with Mark, to be honest, but I guess most readers just want to get behind what's happening at the Pale Horse if they're reading this book. I might read more novels by Agatha Christie, I actually have another one here!


Now I need to start reading a French book though, ugh. English was so easy, it was wonderful! But I'd like to get to this point with all my languages. So be sure that more reviews will be coming!

How to become Turkish overnight

I remember that, at the beginning of this year, I told myself that I wanted to finally meet my grandpa, because it might be too late if I wait longer.

A lot of things happened and I kind of forgot about this plan.
But I think while studying Turkish with my friend from Istanbul, I remembered about it. And he encouraged me to find my grandfather.

I asked my mum if she had his number or address, she had nothing like that, she didn't even have her half-siblings' contact details. I even asked my dad and he didn't have anything.

So the last thing I thought I could do was to publish a post on the "Spotted" Facebook page of the shopping centre of the town my grandfather used to live in. I knew he wasn't there anymore, though. The page only had 500 likes, I just asked people if they knew him or his children and I didn't expect anything to happen. I almost decided to forget about it.

Then, the admin of the page messaged me, someone knew my grandfather and wanted to help me. He told me her name and I messaged her.
So apparantly, the friend of sister-in-law of my grandfather's ex daughter-in-law had liked my post, so it kind of came through to her (my grandfather's ex daughter-in-law) and she told me that my grandfather was ill and lived in Istanbul, but came to Germany every now and then to get treatment.

She gave me my aunts' number.

My aunt, who had banned her father out of her life, just like my mum did. My aunt who had married a Turkish man and was going to go to Istanbul with the whole family. She sent me photos, told me about herself and said that I was always welcome at hers and in Istanbul.

I feel so loved. And one more thing:

All these years, I knew that I was partially Turkish and I used to tell that to people. They didn't quite accept it and I always looked at my Turkish friends and their families, knowing I had something like that, but I had nothing to do with it and therefore couldn't even call myself Turkish. At all.
I remember this fight with my ex when he stated that if you don't have a citizenship from a certain country, you're not of the nationality of this country. And I felt offended because I always wanted to be with my Turkish family, I wanted to learn about the culture which was there, somewhere in my roots.

This is my family. And this has just become a big part of me.

52 Week Photography Challenge

I want to improve. I want to challenge myself, which I'm constantly doing, but I'm talking about photography here. I don't have a photogenic pet, but there are other things one can take photos of.
Here are the tasks, interpretation is everything.

1. something old (1 August - 7 August)
2. feet (8 August - 14 August)
3. lips (15 August - 21 August)
4. a baby (22 August - 28 August)
5. night (29 August - 4 September)
6. lifestyle (5 September - 11 September)
7. lyrics (12 September - 18 September)
8. breakfast (19 September - 25 September)
9. black and white (26 September - 2 October)
10. a collection (3 October - 9 October)
11. sadness (10 October - 16 October)
12. shades of white (17 October - 23 October)
13. low angle (24 October - 30 October)
14. tiny (31 October - 6 November)
15. something yellow (7 November - 13 November)
16. bokeh (14 November - 20 November)
17. music (21 November - 27 November)
18. water (28 November - 4 December)
19. your shoes (5 December - 11 December)
20. sunset (12 December - 18 December)
21. holding an object (19 December - 25 December)
22. faceless portrait (26 December - 1 January)
23. jumping (2 January - 8 January)
24. high angle (9 January - 15 January)
25. handwriting (16 January - 22 January)
26. in motion (23 January - 29 January)
27. something red (30 January - 5 February)
28. stone (6 February - 12 February)
29. sweet (13 February - 19 February)
30. a child (20 February - 26 February)
31. a kiss (27 February - 5 March)
32. self-portrait (6 March - 12 March)
33. insects (13 March - 19 March)
34. dress (20 March - 26 March)
35. opposites (27 March - 2 April)
36. macro (3 April - 9 April)
37. long exposure (10 April - 16 April)
38. something blue (17 April - 23 April)
39. travel (24 April - 30 April)
40. flowers (1 May - 7 May)
41. shiny (8 May - 14 May)
42. cold (15 May - 21 May)
43. fruit (22 May - 28 May)
44. something green (29 May - 4 June)
45. silhouette (5 June - 11 June)
46. something pink (12 June - 18 June)
47. from a distance (19 June - 25 June)
48. eyes (26 June - 2 July)
49. landscape (3 July - 9 July)
50. light and dark (10 July - 16 July)
51. mother nature (17 July - 24 July)
52. pets (25 July - 11 July)

Merryweather

Insects are super scary! And that's exactly what I thought when this beast suddenly appeared in my room. I saw it sitting there, and before it could jump at me and eat my face, I quickly placed a glass on it and closed it. There it was, this grasshopper-thing. I googled a bit and found out that it was a female Tettigonia viridissima, a great green bush cricket. But on the website, it said that the females, who are bigger than the males, grow up to 42mm. After I had measured, I knew that my new friend, and I named her Merryweather, was quite a lot bigger with 60mm. So maybe she's some kind of mutant.
So about an hour ago, I released her into our garden. She stayed for a moment, probably so I could take a last photo, then she jumped off and disappeared into the green.
What a majestic creature!

Quietdrive - Time After Time

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
You say, go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
Just what you've said
You say, go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to grey
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm okay
You say, go slow
I fall behind
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Fur and feathers

What a great feeling it can be to just commit a bit more time to your pets. Since it seemed almost possible that Nahla wouldn't cause a mess in my room in its current state, I decided to tidy it. Completely.

Which I haven't done for three years.

I have to admit, I didn't find the time or energy to get rid of all those plastic bottles, but they're standing here in their bags, just waiting for me to take them to Lidl. Naturally, before cleaning everything, it seemed that I should fully clean the birds' cage and even rearrange their branches, actually, collect some new branches as well! While Saphira is panicking as always, Lilla kind of seems to love it when I clean the cage. She flies around in my room, which she doesn't do often, and watches me, she even landed on my head several times. I also got them some dandlelion from the garden, but they never seem to eat it. Isn't that weird?

I also found some time to talk to them and make another attempt of taming them - I don't even think about starting with Phira, naturally. While with Lilla, it only took me one day until she would come to my hand even without me feeding her, and when I was feeding her, I could even touch her beak. Such an amazing feeling!

I put so much effort into rearranging the cage and it looks great now!

So yesterday, Nahla arrived and she was so happy to see me! She didn't even cry like last time, but she was a bit too excited, resulting in her peeing on my staircase. Good thing my dad didn't notice, he would have freaked out, haha! So when we went on a walk, she had to learn karma is a bitch, since she was bullied by a pug and his friend. Well, of course they do when they see what a wimp you are! But of course, I saved her. So later in the night she just wouldn't sleep and started to cry, I don't know if she wanted to go home or if she just had to pee, but I thought if she did have to pee, it would be better to go outside, and after another walk maybe she would be tired enough to sleep. It worked, although I couldn't sleep at first. But after I spent two more hours surfing the internet, I went back to bed and fell asleep spooning her. Well, this never happened with Sammy!
We both got up at 6 am to go for a morning walk around the lake - it's a pity I didn't take my camera since there was so much fog. But madam is really tired now and while she's sleeping on my sofa (of course she didn't ask me if she could use it, but that's okay), I used my time designing a new watermark. It's probably not the final one, but I kind of like it and it looks better than the old one, so I'll be using it until I come up with a better idea.

Songs Explained: Norlie & KKV - Din Idiot

Hi guys, here's the second part of my language study program!

"Minns allt som igår
min sol gick i moln
ditt ord var förlåt
du har sagt det förr"
This is the situation of a breakup, after KKV found out that his partner cheated on him. She asked him to forgive her, but she's said that before and he just doesn't believe her anymore.

"Du vet vart jag står
när du ber mig förstå
du vill ha mig som då
men en del av mig fattar"
To be honest, I don't really understand this. I suppose, KKV is just angry because his girlfriend thinks he's stupid enough to believe her apologies. He's started to understand.

"Gången du sov med nån annan
och du vände på allt tills jag gav mig
jag vill inte ens nämna de andra
för du vet mycket väl vad du sa"
He's now directly speaking about the several times his girlfriend cheated on him. I don't really see/understand much more behind it.

"Du tror att det gör ont, it's all good
och så har det vart sen den dan du försvann
din idiot, hur kan du va så dum
nu är det försent att få vara mitt allt
Du tror att det gör ont
hur kan du va så dum
nu är det försent att få vara mitt allt"
I think this says that the person speaking is alright and has been since he's separated from this girl. He is directly addressing her, saying that he isn't her idiot (at least I think so) and that it's too late to be his. He seems to have understood that he's to good for someone who only cheats on him.

"Jag såg dig på stan
ni såg ut att må bra
men skenet bedrar
när du ringer mig"
He's seen her with her new boyfriend in the city and she seems to be happy, but he knows that she isn't because she keeps ringing him.

"Säger du inte har
någon annan som jag
du vill ha mig tillbaks
vad är felet på dig"
Now he's kind of angry, because she keeps saying stuff like her new guy wasn't like him and she wanted him back. But in the person's opinion, she should be aware of the fact that she's messed it up.

"Minns gången du ljög för min mamma
och måla upp dig som nån annan
jag vet inte ens varför jag stanna
för jag vet mycket väl vad du sa"
It seems like during all this time they were together, the girl wasn't herself and just pretended to be someone else which made him fall in love with her. Now you can see, that he's still upset, because he seems to actually have loved her a lot (probably due to what I just stated), but he knows exactly what she's done. He knows that he's good for her and that she didn't treat him right, but he fell in love and can't really stop loving her. It's the typical mind VS heart game.

Reunion

I was kind of glad when I just heard that this day was the hottest day of the year. I hope, they didn't mean so far, though.
I woke up to a computer with a broken sound card, so basically, it's a really sad day today.
But my new friend Nhala, a Rhodesian Ridgeback, was left at my house in preparation for "her" holiday, where she's going to spend 14 days here. Quite much for such a baby.

On our way back from a really exhausting walk, we met Jessy, who used to be my best friend back in primary school. It was great to meet her so we decided to meet up again later and she took her French Bulldog Bella with her. Bella is 9 months old, and therefore only 3 months older than Nhala.

 

The dogs had a lot of fun and played all the time, although it was really hot and Nhala was still exhausted from our first walk. But at least she made a friend whom we're going to meet again when she's here.
We also went to Jessy's home and I met another old friend of mine: Nika. This tiny Pekingese was already there when I met Jessy, and she's now 15 years old. I wonder if she recognised me, I did of course!

Essay English #1

This might not seem too weird to you guys yet, but just you wait for the following weeks. As I told you, I've decided to spend more time on studying languages and apart from comprehension and reading tasks, I think I should also train my writing skills. It's easy this week, it might be alright in the next two weeks, but after that, who knows. I better start studying more!

Essay English #1: Do people depend too much on technology nowadays?

Technology appears everywhere in our everyday lives. In the morning, I am woken up by an alarm, which is usually on my mobile phone. I check my messages, start my computer and go through all the things I need to do. Usually, I write them into my spiral pad which has been my friend for more than a year now. Using programs and applications to organise everything confuses me a lot, so I stick to those old-schooled alternatives. When I feel like reading, I take one of those beautiful old books I purchased at a flea market out of my shelf, lie down in my bed and just read.
Without any doubt, we do use a lot of technology nowadays. It's faster, more efficient, it's easier to share things. But the benefits might come to a limit and there might also be some dangers.

Let's come back to my reading example. When do I actually read a book, voluntarily? To be honest, I haven't full-heartedly read a book in years. I bought one last year, but after I had finished it, I was disappointed about having put so much time into reading it, since the story was quite boring. When I go into a bookstore, I see so many books I would like to read. They sound interesting, there are so many diverse topics! So maybe I buy one. I go home, tell myself that I should read the book once I've spent money on it, read about two chapters and then get bored. Only think about those old times when I was in primary school, where I would read all day! What happened?
There's a simple answer to it: It's become easier to distract me. I lie in my bed, read the book, but I know that my phone is lying on my desk and the green light tells me that I have a new message. Who could it be? What if I miss anything important? Couldn't I read and just check my messages at the same time?
Well, no, I can't. Luckily, I've learned about myself that if I actually want to read a book, I need to get into an environment without any distractions. When I'm at my mum's house, I usually sit down in the garden – the dogs can only distract me for a minute. Also, I know that I need to be absolutely relaxed to read a book. And I don't know if this came with puberty or if it's an actual issue of our modern life, but I'm never really relaxed. I'm so nervous most of the time, if I sit down in front of my computer to just browse 9gag and do nothing for a moment, I simply get the urge to stand up and do something, but at the same time, I'm way too lazy.
There's no doubt about that technology has changed us, as people.
I still find myself trying to avoid seeing technology as an important part of our life, something, which still affects us when we're outside in the nature. I even refuse to see it as more than a medium for communication, no, it literally seems to have become a replacement for the normal communication: face to face, eye to eye. People apologise when they don't answer my messages rightaway, as if it was their duty to read their messages every single minute of their lives. They even apologise when they fall asleep.
Alright, it's different in a relationship, just to make that clear. But, still – isn't it weird how technology has even become an essential part in modern relationships?

Technology has changed us, it affects us, and we're dependent. Of course we are, because nobody will contact you if you don't have a mobile phone number, an e-mail address or a profile on a social media website. You'll be forgotten, it will be to inconvenient to get in touch with you. Life without technology would be too inconvenient for those, who grew up with it.
You can't fight it, it will increase and there will be more progress and better technologies and innovations. The most important thing is to force yourself to disconnect sometimes. To turn off your computer, your TV, your phone. To go outside, for a walk, to invite your friends for a picnic by the lake. To write a letter to your loved ones. Enjoying the little things in life has become really difficult nowadays, due to technology. But we should try to focus on them more often and we'll see that we won't be the only ones who will be happy about this decision.

Update

Oh, Leen, you are so lazy!
Yes, I am. Wait - no, I'm not. Am I?
Actually, I've had so many things to do lately that I didn't really find time for blogging. Isn't that awful?
Well, at least I've got something to do. It makes it a lot easier to only focus on my own life, because I'm not gonna lie, people are making it really difficult for me.

So, what happened within the last three weeks?

_________________________________________________________

I finally finished the photos from the shooting with my dancing teacher and his friend, they're making a hypnosis show together and needed photos for their flyers so they asked me. It was fun!





_________________________________________________________

 I visited my primary school teacher and her class. It was fun and they really seemed to like me. They were making fun of me though, because of my height, but I learned that it doesn't necessarily mean they don't like me or respect me. The same thing counts for my new English student whom I'm tutoring. She's six years old and we usually just speak English and play which might bring her closer to the language. It's a great job! And she's always so sad when I have to leave, haha.


_________________________________________________________


I had the prom I was looking forward to so much. Well, it sucked. Not only because five people I invited cancelled, but also because there wasn't really enough time or space to dance, my school mates annoyed me (or some of them) and my dad left an hour early. I probably didn't even look as great as I expected, but a professional makeup and hair styling wouldn't have been worth it anyway. And I didn't smile on the photos because I was so pissed off. Well, I did, but you can tell that I didn't mean it. At least I danced with my former choir leader, which was fun.

And the next day, my mum and her boyfriend kidnapped me and took me to Mönchengladbach to talk about my future. Since that day, I've been planning to start studying in Düsseldorf, just to go to Bristol at the same time. I already wrote a cover letter and CV to apply for a job and I'll probably have to re-write it. But at least I've got some really friendly referees and Murray's dad offered to help me when I'm there! And I became bestiest besties with a soldier I met in a pub here in Paderborn and he lives in Gloucester. Lucky me!

Also, I'm hoping to finally get my driving-licence before going to England. I'm quite certain I'll pass the theory this time. So there's a lot happening right now.


_________________________________________________________

And I found shit like this on YouTube.

 

Not sure if this is even better or worse than the Biggie Smalls feature. But this sums up my relation to England quite well. Too many memories. The nostalgia.

Okay, I hope you get that I'm making a joke here. Because this is ridiculous(ly great).

 _________________________________________________________

What will happen next?

• theoryyyy! wish me good luck!
• I'll have a photo shooting with my sister next week. Also, we're planning to hang out more and be silly and skate although we both can't skate. But it's okay because we're cool.
• I'll take care of a dog for two weeks. Her owner used to work with my dad so I'm really lucky here. I hope you all know how lucky I am.
• Phantasialand. Spending some days at the North Sea. Is it actually happening? Nobody knows!

And by the way, please applaud me for being so fookin' efficient and motivated. Because my day consists of working out, studying for driving school, playing guitar, going outside and studying seven languages. Every day of the week has its own language. Yes, I'm insane. Today is Swedish day, yay!

The Lake Poets - Edinburgh

I applaud your timing
I applaud your style
Now i feel like dying
It's been this for a while

I can hear your silence
I can feel your eyes
You can speak your mind but you never will
And now we're running out of time

In that Edinburgh bar you said nothing was wrong
Why were you lying to me?
In that Edinburgh bar you said nothing was wrong
Why were you lying to me?
In that Edinburgh bar
In that Edinburgh bar

I can see you're lying
Well that's nothing new
Well there's no denying
How i feel for you

How can I continue?
Tell me what to do
I guess I'll hide my feelings
Keep from losing you

In that Edinburgh bar you said nothing was wrong
Why were you lying to me?
In that Edinburgh bar you said nothing was wrong
Why were you lying to me?
In that Edinburgh bar
In that Edinburgh bar

In that Edinburgh bar you said nothing was wrong
Why were you lying to me?
In that Edinburgh bar you said nothing was wrong
Why were you lying to me?

We'll keep lying to me
We'll keep lying to me
We'll keep lying to me
We'll keep lying to me
We'll keep lying to me
We'll keep lying to me
We'll keep lying to me
We'll keep lying to me

Patriotism vs. Nationalism

Yes - I'm proud to be German!

I'm proud that we're giving refuge to so many refugees from the Middle East.
I'm proud that we're an open-minded country with many nationalities, cultures and languages.
I'm proud that we have a democracy.
I'm proud that we have so many different landscapes in this small country: Flat, mountains, hills, woods, the coast ...
I'm proud that we won the world cup four times.
I'm proud that we won the Eurovision Song Contest twice.
I'm proud that we have had many scientists, poets and musicians who did a really good job.

But I'm not proud of those nationalists, walking in the streets, telling refugees to go home and other Germans to wake up.
Because I'm wide awake. And I see what's happening here.
Because the same damn think happened less than 90 years ago. And we all know how it ended.
I'm proud to be German, because it's a great country. But so are other countries, and their citizens should be proud of their nationality, too. Because, when do I start feeling patriotic? It's when I meet people from other nationalities. Because I can tell them about my country, and they can tell me about theirs. And we can become friends and learn from each other.
We're not only citizens of Germany, we're citizens of the world, with a German nationality and culture.

For me, there's a clear difference.
A patriot cheers for his country in the world cup.
A nationalist cheers for his country in the world war.

Before focussing on what's best for us ('a government should always put its citizens first' blah blah blah...), we should think about what's best for all of us. We're all humans.

Panic! At The Disco - Always

When the world gets too heavy
Put it on my back
I'll be your levy
You are taking me apart
Like bad glue
On a get well card

It was always you
Falling for me
Now there's always time
Calling for me
I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back, to let me know

I'm a fly that's trapped
In a web
But I'm thinking that
My spider's dead
Lonely, lonely little life
I could kid myself
In thinking that I'm fine

It was always you
Falling for me
Now there's always time
Calling for me
I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back, to let me know

That I'm skin and bone
Just a king and rusty throne
Oh, the castle's under siege
But the sign outside says 'leave me alone'

It was always you
Falling for me
Now there's always time
Calling for me
I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back, to let me know
(It was always you)
Blink back, to let me know
(It was always you)

Party all day

No, the title doesn't make any sense. Why? Because I fookin' went out to go for a fookin' walk with a fookin' 15-year old friend to spend some fookin' time in the fookin' nature.
And I'm fookin' 18!!
So why do I need to tell you where I go and when I come back?
I have no idea!
It's a walk, I don't even look at my phone to see what time it is.
Ugh.
Well, anyway. So I went outside with Dilara again because she was worried about me and kept asking me if I wanted to do something with her. So in the end, I said yes. And it felt good to leave the house (apart from getting yelled at for it). And of course, I took some photos as well. Because I had a photoshooting the day after. And I needed to practise.

5am, Padersee

Bye Bye!

No, I'm not going!
Not yet, at least.
At the moment, my plans about going to Dortmund are starting to fade. I have the craziest ideas, so much motivation, I just want to pack my things and be gone.
How? Where? I have no idea. It could be classic: I could book a TEFL course, get an accommodation, get a job, book my flight to England and then go there.
But my ideas are even better. Or worse.
I was thinking - wouldn't it be possible to go to England by bike? Where would I sleep? I don't know! How would I carry my things? No idea! But it would be so awesome to be on my way for a week. Five countries in 8 days. Awesome.
Not like I actually wanted to do it, or could. My parents probably wouldn't let me, despite the fact that I'm 18. But I really really love the imagination!

First day: Lippstadt, Hamm, Bergkamen, night in Wesel. Second day: Geldern, night in Valkenswaard. Third day: Herentals, night in Antwerpen. Fourth day: Damme, night in Ostende. Fifth day: Dunkerque, Gravelines, Marck, night in Calais. Sixth day: Folkestone, Ashford, Rochester, night in Dartford. Seventh day: London, Slough, night in Reading. Last day: Newsbury, Devizes, Bath and finally Bristol. Or something like that. Crazy!

But I would have to do that in summer or spring, I suppose, and that's too late for me now, since it's almost summer and I wouldn't even know where to stay yet, haha.
I'm such a dreamer.

What happened to me? Well, after another breakup, I knew that I had to be happy, no matter what. That I should do whatever I want to, go wherever I want to. So I started planning. And it made me think about what my Vietnamese friend told me about Buddhism - and I think it would be really interesting to visit Buddhist temples and learn about this religion, because what they teach, is exactly what I want to believe. It's not just things they teach about a God they made up to understand the way the world works, no, it's a philosophy, the philosophy of being happy and free, no matter what.
My train of thought is a bit pathetic, I know. But the time has come to dream again, and now I'm finally at an age where I can make these dreams come true.

And I can do that, I know it.

Newkid - Jag Gråter Bara I Regnet

Lät hon in, lät hon ta
Lät mig tro vad hon än sa
Jag lät de gå, sväva på moln
Tills hon slet mig i stycken
Spotta på mina sår
Men ser det ut som om jag sörjer dig,
Mer som om jag höjer dig

För jag, kommer aldrig låta dig få se mig svag
Jag gråter ba i regnet
Super stolt, hon vill veta vad jag tänker
Men baby om det ändå var så enkelt
Men vaför vill du stå med mig i regnet, i regnet, i regnet
Varför vill du riva ner mitt stängsel
Baby jag vet ändå vad som händer
Så jag gråter ba i regnet

Gav hon allt, allt jag kan ge
Ville ha mer, de är sån hon e
Ensam men stark, de är sån jag blev
Litar inte på någon och allt är hennes fel
Men ser det ut som om jag lackar,
nej mer som om jag tackar dig

För jag, kommer aldrig mer behöva vara svag,
Jag gråter ba i regnet
Super stolt, hon vill veta vad jag tänker
Men baby om det ändå var så enkelt
Men vaför vill du stå med mig i regnet, i regnet, i regnet
Varför vill du riva ner mitt stängsel
Baby jag vet ändå vad som händer
Så jag gråter ba i regnet

Hon vill ha varmt, hon vill ha kallt
Hon vill ha hav, hon vill ha land
Hon vill ha vitt, hon vill ha svart
Hon vill ha mig, hon vill ha allt, hon vill ha allt
Jag gav dig en chans, men det tog mig ingenstans
Så sluta tro du vet för mig, det hjälper mig inte alls

Oooohhhh, super stolt hon vill veta vad jag tänker
Men baby om det ändå var så enkelt
Men vaför vill du stå med mig i regnet, i regnet, i regnet
Varför vill du riva ner mitt stängsel
Baby jag vet ändå vad som händer
Så jag gråter ba i regnet, i regnet, i regnet
jag gråter ba i regnet, jag gråter ba i regnet

Så baby du kan ta av dig ditt regnställ,
Så baby du kan ta av dig ditt regnställ,
Så baby du kan ta av dig ditt regnställ

On Holiday with Mr Guitarro

As promised, I'll tell you about the past 8 days today. My friend Muz from England came to visit me and my family in Mönchengladbach. We really had a lot of fun, starting with a trip to the music store in Cologne (where I found the perfect guitar for only 75€, but didn't buy it - the regrets!!). After Muz and my brother spent some time testing guitars, we decided to go back to the city centre to get something to eat. It can't be unseen - Cologne at night is just stunning. The restaurant was beautiful, too, and I'll definitely be back in summer when it isn't too cold to sit outside by the Rhine.

We also had some full English breakfast that Muz cooked for our family. It didn't only look great, but tasted wonderful! I become hungry just thinking about it, haha.
So last Saturday, it was the day Muz originally came to Germany for - my birthday party, home in Paderborn. It's too bad we didn't really have time to do some sightseeing in my beloved hometown, since there's a lot to see. At least I could listen to him playing my guitar Susi and the party started just some hours later. We had to wait until 3am for my best friend to join since he had to work, but we still enjoyed the party at that time, although we were only 7 people left and everyone was tired as fcuck. We danced, played Twister, ate cake and my best friend's girlfriend even played the violin for us. What a night! I love having my favourite people around.

 Of course, we also went to take some photos in the park! The weather was shitty during the whole week, but we find some hours of sun to go outside and enjoy. I'm not really satisfied with what I made out of it, but it was fun at least and Sammy had fun playing model for some ball fetching in return. I didn't really dare to take Barry off the leash, but he seemed to like Muz, although he also appeared to be scared of him at the same time. Weird dog, I have to say. We spent the rest of our time studying and eating a lot of chocolate (I forgot what real food tastes like) and earlier today, we had to say good bye at the Düsseldorf airport. I really hope my English skills (especially the pronunciation) improved and I'm sure that we'll see again this summer. I wanted to do some travelling this year anyway! So exciting!

Christopher - We Should Be

Can we talk now?
I need to tell you what's on my mind
I'm glad you picked up
I haven't been sleeping for a while
I'm trying to make up
I just need a little bit of your time, your ti-i-ime

We don't even talk now
Why couldn't we work it out?
Why you treat me like I've never existed?
We used to be stronger
We could get through anything
How can you just run and let it go?
Girl we should be:
Making love in the moonlight, till the suns up
(We should be)
Laying up on a cold night
(Girl you know that, we should be)
Talking 'bout forever, you and me together
I don't understand this ain't us
Girl we should be in love, girl we should be in love,
Girl we should be in love, girl we should be ,

Every time I wake up
I gotta see the picture by my bed
Makes me think of
When you got in that car and left
And I remember
Everything I did and what you said, you said, you said

We don't even talk now
Why is this not working out?
Why you treat me like I've never existed?
We used to be stronger
We could get through anything
How can you just run and let it go?
Girl we should be:
Making love in the moonlight (moonlight), till the suns up
(We should be)
Laying up on a cold night
(Girl you know that, we should be)
Talking 'bout forever, you and me together
I don't understand this ain't us
Girl we should be in love, girl we should be in love,
Girl we should be in love (love, love), girl we should be

Stroud, UK

As I already announced before, I went to England last week - and came home today. I had a wonderful trip and would like to tell me what it was like for me.

Welcome to England

Still needing to pack my bag, take a shower and change money, I had to get up quite early and get ready. Not that early, actually, but earlier than usual. So so damn exciting! Time to get onto the train, another train, the bus to the airport. And then, the plane. My first time at an airport alone, but everything went well and I got onto my plane without any problems (and damn, I love to fly!). After passing the borders to the UK, I saw Murray and his dad waiting for me. And his dad, he was awesome! Funny, open, talkative, and he bought me food. Couldn't be better. We enjoyed the trip to Stroud with some music in the car and as we had almost reached the town, we stopped on one of the hills, went outside and enjoyed the sun set behind the horizon of Wales. Stunning! Welcome to the UK!
Later, we went to the pub to celebrate one of Murray's friends' birthday. Such an exciting day with so many new people.

Pancakes

We took things slow this day. Getting up early? Not after that long day before! But we actually did get up at some point and went to the town to buy a toothbrush and some more things I couldn't bring (security and liquids, you know what I mean...). Tash gave us a lift home (after we had gone to Costa hmmm) and we made some pancakes. Lush!

Ice Cream Factory

 What a day to go for a walk! Okay, it was almost constantly raining, but we had an umbrella and my camera and look, England even looks great on such a rainy day! All those different shades of green, so so so much green, the hills, how great it was to see this instead of all that agriculture in Germany. We went up to the common and to the ice cream factory (and of course we got some ice cream, coco and butterscotch, hmm!). At some point, I just had to stop and stand there for a while, looking down at Stroud and all those hills around it.

  

Gloucester

The following day, we went to buy some food at Sainsbury's and ate it by the canal called Stroudwater Navigation. After that, we went for a coffee, walked back and waited until we had to get ready to leave the town. Murray's dad took us out for dinner in Gloucester and showed me some parts of the town, for example the cathedral. I have to say, Gloucester is a really weird place! So many goths and serial killers and so on, but it looked really nice at the same time. Especially the docks, where we went to an American restaurant. I had Mac and cheese and Shiehallion Pilsener, by the way. ;)

He Says She Waffles

And another rainy day, but we made the best out of it. We went to the farmer's market in Stroud quite early, where I got some souvenirs for my parents. I loved all those books, books are great, I should read more, hm, but I know I won't. However, after that, we went to Cirencester and I really didn't know what to expect from this town. We went to another hall market (and they even had dog stuff there!) and some tiny shops. It's remarkable how much love and effort is in those shops, I really got the impression that the British love making things, and even buying them. It was lovely and as we spotted a sign saying something with "waffles" on it, we decided to go for lunch. I think I got diabetes that day. This one perfect waffle with powdered sugar, ice cream and fookin' marshmallows. And a strawberry milkshake to make it even more perfect. People who visit Gloucestershire: GO TO HE SAYS SHE WAFFLES. JUST DO IT.
Anyway, after that we went back to Stroud and bought pizza and beer for the evening, collected Tom's tinder date from the train station and waited for everyone to join so we could start drinking and playing games. What an evening. Great day. Such wow.

The Prom-blem

Just as planned, we went to Bristol on Sunday to buy me a prom dress. It was quite stressful in the end, because we only had two hours until the shops would close, and when I finally had a prom dress (god damnit, everybody knows you don't find them in shopping centres!), that was about 5 minutes before the shop closed. But I got one! After that, we went to a pub with Murray's sister (and that was when it started raining again, but at least I got to try the Trooper beer - actually not that good, but I knew that) and later met up with his mum to go to Za Za Bazaar and have dinner. Nice! And it was so cool to go to Bristol, because they taught us about it in form 5-7 pretty much, I never thought I'd actually go there. But it's a really nice city.

Bye Bye Eataly

We actually did nothing that day. Nothing, isn't that awful? And the worst thing is - it was really sunny! So in the evening, we went to the town again to have dinner, but sadly the restaurant where we wanted to go was closed. We found another one, though. And the food was good. And I had crême brulée. Just perfect. We went home afterwards and watched a horror film, but I fell asleep. Oh well. But I really enjoyed that day.

 Drei Oliven, bitte

Another day doing nothing, but this time it wasn't my fault because I got cramps and genuinely couldn't leave the bed. It was nice though. Great weather. And we went to Murray's mum's house in the evening. It was such a nice place with a lot of green grass, dandelion and a nice sunset atmosphere. His brother Lachlan came over as well and we had dinner together. It was really delicious and the two guys kept speaking German to each other, at least as far as their knowledge let them. So fun, haha. Also, we talked a lot about future plans which made me feel really insecure and question my plans. Maybe I should just gain some work experience and travel a bit?

So here I am, back in Germany, after Murray's mum took us to the airport this evening and my journey took about 11 hours. What do I have to say about this experience?
I want to go back.
I really really want to go back.
I wasn't even ready to come home yet, and I miss this wonderful and interesting country with all those people I met. Luckily, I'll be back in summer, but now I really feel like I should travel more. This trip really reminded me of my time in Sweden, where I didn't get homesick at all. I just had a really nice time and was part of the life there, it was great.